Pressing On

A wise woman (Mom) once said (last night) that most of the time we will not feel God near... but we are not supposed to go through life on our feelings right.. feelings change all the time.. what if God were like that?

 Grief is an intense feeling.. you feel empty at first.. and not the kind of emptiness that is like when you say you were empty before you asked Jesus into your heart.. I am going to be honest here..I felt like my life became full, but I never had the sense prior to that that I was empty. Does anyone know what I mean.. I mean is that even Biblical or something people say to feel good? I did not realize this until I felt what emptiness was.. when my Dad died.. I felt.. empty.. thankfully that feeling has past, although other feelings of grief are still there... I can be sure they will change again.. but I can't be sure when.

Sometimes I can't sense God near.. that is when I need to choose not to trust feelings and rely on God's truth. When I have chosen to make a decision to trust God despite my feelings.. that is faith.. as long as I am daily in the Word, God will penetrate my heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. So no matter what I am feeling.. or whatever is gong on around me.. I can be sure that I am living in God's perfect will.

When the feeling is gone
I will keep pressing on
When I can't sense you near
I won't fall back in fear
I will keep pressing on
I will be challenged to trust
I know I must
I will keep pressing on
Yes my faith will endure
For Christ is my cure
I will keep pressing on


On a more random note I started wondering why I chose the phrase 'Pressing On'.. It must have been in my subconscious from this song I heard last month.. lol..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLNcsqHwoXI

One Month

It has been a month. One month since my Dad died. One month trying to figure out this thing called grief. That part of my llife is over.. complete.. done.. there are some stories in your life you can go back and open the book again to a new chapter, but not when death is involved... it is finished.. the end. So here are some ramblings about what I have learned or experienced. You do laugh and joke without feeling guilty. I have been in conversations with more than one person in the past who questioned how so and so could laugh and smile 3 weeks after their loved one died. I am here to tell you I laughed the same day. Not that my Dad was dead.. lol.. but at other things. There are so many emotions involved that you just can't predict how you will be from one moment to another. I was not expecting that grief would mess with my cognitive abilities. At first I had a difficult time remembering things and felt like I was repeating myself a lot. Not to mention that sometimes it was hard to find the right word or form a sentence without stuttering. I am glad to say that that department has gotten back to normal (or maybe it hasn't and I just forgot.. lol). Just when I think I have achieved some goal where I think I am ok, I will fall apart again. The drive back to Indiana from New Jersey, I was feeling good, I expected that things would feel better when I got home, but they did not. They felt worse, cause I had a bunch of my Dad's things, and I knew that was all that was left.. things. I went back into somewhat of a routine.. work and such, but that doesn't seem to matter, and I let everyone know that there are more important things than work, and no matter what, the work still gets done so there is no point in worrying about things at work. I am fine all day long and can talk about his death without a tear at work or church.. I usually cry.. sometimes for a split second.. usually in the car. Last week I didn't cry. I hardly thought about it since I was on vacation. Then today it hit me full force again. Someone at church told me this morning that sometimes it helps when the person who has died has died suddenly.. thats all I heard before I tuned her out. All I could think about on the way home was the fact that I did not get to say goodbye.. thats when the grief started again. I am sure this person was trying to bring me some comfort and for all I know they may have had to watch someone slowly die. I guess I am  little tired of being the one who has to be understanding. I know there is no way around this .. no matter how hard I try.. I know this has to be a process.. I get angry because I get to a point where I am fine, and then it hits me again.. It has only been a month, but it feels like it has been much longer. Stay tuned... things will get better.. then worse... then better...

Resolutions

I don't like to make resolutions, because there is too much pressure involved and at the end of the year when they are not accomplished, too many people feel like a failure. I love to make goals though.. I find myself making these lists all the time in my journal. I like to use the word 'goal' because inevitably, I may not accomplish something on these lists within a year.. or two.. or three.. lol.. there are some that just keep reappearing, but they continue to reappear, because they are that important to me and in most cases I am actively pursuing. For instance, it has been my goal to read through the entire Bible for a while. I started this endeavor in 2008 and I have not even made it through half of the old testament. However it is something I actively pursue every day, because it is important to me. I am pleased to report that I have accomplished something that has been on my list probably since that same time as well. I have opened my own shop on Etsy. Lavender Skies Designs is up and running. No more talking about needing to do it! I am sure I drove plenty of people crazy with that. Here it is!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Lavenderskiesdesigns

Ok.. so.. That was a big goal accomplished.. now what. Well completing this big goal has inspired more. I have been wanting to scrapbook more for a few years now, but have not done as much as I would like. With the Lavender Skies project up and running, I have been able to pursue scrapbooking, and I am actually doing it.. I am wondering if this could be a trend now! No more talking about doing stuff and actually doing it! I have also decided that I need to put a hold on buying more fabric. In case you did not know I have A Lot of fabric.. So my new active goal will be to use the pre-existing fabric that I have for new projects.. and old ones. I have had all these ideas, yet they always seem to get placed at the very bottom of whatever else I have decided to work on. So far I have been successful in not buying any new fabric in about a month, which is pretty good for me. I even had to go in Jo Anne's once for something else and did not even look at the fabric!  have been thinking about doing something like this since the summer. When I went to see my Grandmother she started going through her fabric and sewing stuff. She had quite a few projects that she had been collecting for many many years that were started but not completed! It kinda surprised me that this would come from her, because she has accomplished a lot, yet here were all these things that were started and not finished! I realized that I do the same thing and I do not want to go through a box in 50 years and give these unsinished projects for my grand-daughter to finish.. I want them to be done so I can show them off.

Just wanted to give an update so now I can have more accountability :).

Joy of the Redeemed

The title is taken from the Chapter title of Isaiah 35, which is what inspired the poem in the first place.


When all those years
you could not see
when sorrow took you to your knees
when fears and failures
overwhelmed

God was there

Giving strength
to feeble hands
giving aid
to broken hearts
giving just enough
to slowly heal

Then the day will come
He will come with vengeance
because our God loves justice!

He will come with vengeance
with divine retribution
He will come to save you
it won't be slow in coming
and there will be retribution
there will be joy
there will be justice

Gladness and joy will overtake you
sorrow and sighing will have no place
when your deep ocean
is love and joy

Gladness will be contagious
ashes will be gone
and the beauty of the Lord
will be all that remains

Oh Lord let it be soon!
Let me be clothed
in a garment of praise

Isaiah 35

Joy of the Redeemed

 ¹ The desert and the parched land will be glad;
   the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, ² it will burst into bloom;
   it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
   the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
   the splendor of our God.  ³ Strengthen the feeble hands,
   steady the knees that give way;
⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,
   “Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
   he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
   he will come to save you.”
 ⁵ Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
   and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
⁶ Then will the lame leap like a deer,
   and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
   and streams in the desert.
⁷ The burning sand will become a pool,
   the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
   grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
 ⁸ And a highway will be there;
   it will be called the Way of Holiness;
   it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
   wicked fools will not go about on it.
⁹ No lion will be there,
   nor any ravenous beast;
   they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
 ¹⁰ and those the LORD has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
   everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
   and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Isaiah 61:3

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.